In this issue of The Master Negotiator, we will discuss one of the three critical elements in any negotiation - the element of time (the period over which the negotiation takes place). While most people consider negotiation an event that has a definite beginning and end, nothing could be further from the truth. In this issue, you’ll learn how to put time on your side.

And, just for fun, we'll take a look at the high stakes world of holiday negotiations.

Please feel free to contact me with any negotiating questions or article ideas. We'll do our best to address them in upcoming issues. (peter@pbsconsulting.com)

Remember, almost everything in life is negotiable.

Peter B. Stark

Most people consider negotiation an event that has a definite beginning and end. Furthermore, most people think negotiation begins and ends with the actual interactive process between the two parties. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Read article . . .

Time and deadlines can favor either counterpart in a negotiation, depending on the circumstances.

 Six ways to bring time to your side of the table. . .

The holidays are meant to be a joyful time, getting together with friends and family, sharing traditions and creating new traditions. Unfortunately, they are also often fraught with disagreements over things like whose family will host the festivities, who will be invited, what is the price per gift you will spend for family members and who selects the menu for dinner.

Here are some of our favorite holiday negotiations . . .

The Squeeze Play - The art of "squeezing in" a newcomer to the family holiday gathering

Your sister has been dating a new guy, Paul, for several months. You know she is going to want to invite him to Christmas dinner. However, you're not sure he is a "keeper" and will fit in with the rest of the family. Sure enough, your sister calls you and uses the tactic of The Trial Balloon. This tactic is utilized to find out where your counterpart stands on the issue before you formally approach the negotiation. She says, "Since Christmas is coming and Paul's family lives across the country, I was thinking of inviting him to spend Christmas with our family." Since you really don't want Paul around on Christmas, you counter with the tactic of We've Never Done That Before and remind your sister that in the 37 years since she was born Christmas has been a time reserved for immediate family only and you don't think that tradition should be broken.

The Price is Right - The art of selecting "just the right gift" for "just the right price"

 You and your husband don't have any children, yet love to purchase gifts for your nieces and nephews. You feel strongly that you should set a $15.00 limit per child in order to be fair and to conserve your budget. Your husband begins to show you pictures of expensive toys for the kids that are way over that limit. He uses the tactic of Pulling on your Heartstrings to remind you how much joy these children have brought into your lives, how he just loves it when they crawl up on his lap, and tells you how quickly they grow up and that soon they'll be grown and won't be any fun to buy toys for. You immediately counter with the tactic of the Trade Off Concession and say, "OK, I will consider raising the limit for Christmas gifts for the kids. However, if we do that, we are going to send them a card for their birthdays, not give them a gift."

How do I love thee?  Let me count the calories . . .

 Several of your family members are on a diet and have been vigilant about counting their calories and exercising. There is great concern that "mom" will want to create her traditional dinner featuring twice baked potatoes, rolls slathered with butter, and pumpkin cheesecake. Other folks in the family would like to adopt a "healthier" menu this year featuring a low calorie, low fat, meal. The family approaches mom with the tactic of Appealing to Mother Teresa. This tactic operates under the premise that looking your counterpart in the eye and saying "I have a problem and I need your help" can be very effective. So, you designate a family spokesperson to go to mom and say, "Mom, we love the wonderful dinners you cook for us each year. You know how hard we have been working to lose weight, so we will be healthier. It would really be a great help to us if you would use your culinary expertise to find some low-cal recipes to include in the menu this year." You might be lucky, mom might say, "What a fabulous idea, your father and I could use some healthier fare as well." But be prepared, she may counter with the tactic of Higher Authority. This tactic is utilized when your counterpart does not really want to comply with your request, but uses the cloak of "a higher authority" to hide behind. Mom might say, "Honey, I can certainly appreciate your wishes to change the traditional menu. However, I'll have to check with your father, and I think he will be incredibly disappointed. Why don't you just come early and run ten miles before eating dinner?"

Who Do You Love the Most? Sharing your time amongst family members

Scenario #4 - You're out with your parents for dinner when they mention that they'd like you to have Christmas at their home (even though they know that this year you're supposed to spend it with your husband's family). Instead of becoming irritated or defensive, use the tactic of YIKES! You've got to be kidding. Act physically surprised - flinch slightly, frown a bit, raise an eyebrow. "They'll feel put on the spot to offer up an explanation, or just to keep talking," says Stark. "In doing so they'll probably be compelled to counter with something to improve the situation, without your having to say much."